AboveTheRayne

Here is a piece by Sherry Ibid…Ladies you need to read this as I know many can relate…..Controllers/narcissist’s share in such abuse…..

MANIPULATION By: Sherry Ibidi

I think I was a teen when I started to realize what Manipulation was. It can start out very subtly almost like you don’t even know it is happening.
Some people use manipulation for innocent reasons, like a child who wants a sweet treat. This is probably the first time people start to use the procedure. In most cases probably harmless and most can see that is what is going on.
When it goes beyond some harmless action like that of a child for a treat, that is when it is not good.

Manipulation is like greed, one of the seven deadly sins. It is very addictive to the user and can promote harmful relationships.

My Grandfather manipulated my Grandmother. He beat her up and broke her arm and hurt her badly many times. He lost control of his temper and struck out at the kids as well. The last time he beat up my Mom was when she was 15.

Mom left home shortly after that and got married at 16. By the time she was 19 she had two kids. I was the 2nd child.

My Dad was manipulative as well. My Mother was manipulative in a different way. All very controlling.

I was lucky to get by in my marriages and relationships with out a broken arm, but just the same I was controlled by each person.

At first you don’t realize that you are being controlled. Then the pattern starts. You have to report your actions and how much money you spent. They can buy what ever they want when they want. Even if you have a job and have your own income they manipulate the situation and somehow you end up spending your money on them instead of your self or for things like food and clothes for your self and the kids.

He got scuba diving lessons and hunting trips while I had to go to the 2nd hand store to get clothes for the kids.

Why do you put up with it? Why do you let them control and manipulate them.

The game goes like this:

They tell you that you do not need this or that. They tell you that you are a failure and you are not worthy.

You believe it. They are so charismatic that you have then lost all control. You have little or no contacts or people to support you. You have no one else to tell you that you are wonderful.

Next thing you know you are trapped and have no way out.

Finally something clicks. This is the very volatile part.
You can run and get help or you can act in a way that can hurt yourself or your family.

They may beat you up and somehow you believe that you deserved that beating. The next day they bring you flowers and candy and beg you to take them back. You belive it and the game starts over again.

Fortunately for myself I was able to get help. I thank God every day that I was prompted to get help in a way that saved myself and my kids.

Unfortunately I had such a bad self esteem, little education beyond high school to support my self and the kids. Also I am disabled, so I did not have the educational help I needed.

Unfortunately it took me until I was in my 50’s to realize that I made the same mistake in my choosing these manipulative men for a companion.

Fortunately I was able to go to school for the blind and college and graduate. I had a very good job and supported myself very well in the last 7 years of my work history.

Now I am retired. I am no longer married.
I know I am worthy, smart, accomplished in many areas of art and computer science. I know that I have four beautiful children who are smart adults. I have six grand kids that are a joy to watch grow up. Two of them are already 18.

I know that I have many friends whom I can talk to and know they will support me when I am blue or need prayers.

I did not know that I had all that when I was young.

Make sure you know you have that support – that you are not trapped. There is always help and support. Don’t let yourself get isolated. There is also a loving Heavenly Father who loves you unconditionally.